She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
