Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
