Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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