currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
