I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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