i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
