Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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