They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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