I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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