Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
