I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
