My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
