how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
