So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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