Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
