Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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