Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
