So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
