i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize