Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
