Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
