making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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