Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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