I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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