I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
