i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
