this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
