ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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