3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
