I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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