you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
