You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
