Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
P.S. I can't hear my feet
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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