He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish you could order shots online.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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