The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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