I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My balls are so social today.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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