Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
