I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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