i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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