we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
