she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
