you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The best revenge is premature balding
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
