ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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