why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
