he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
