do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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