I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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