I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
