just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
