home. puking in laundry basket.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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