he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
