You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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