This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
