wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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