I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
