The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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