i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize