I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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