I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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