The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
