I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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