dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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