I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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