Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
