You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
