Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
