I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
