My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
