I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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