he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize