Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My ass is underappreciated
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
