yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
