so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
