in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
