We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
