I'm really into asian looking animals
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
