you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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