ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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