Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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