my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
