weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
