I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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